And Now, For Something New . . .

Generated by the mind-freak computer robots at Google.

I’ve been working on something secret.

It reminds me of the early days of writing The Caring House, where I wasn’t sure what I was making, but I knew it gave me energy.

Here’s the catch: it’s not going to be for everybody.

Let me explain . . .
In 2014, I was laid off from Nebraska Christian College. That was the seventh job I’d had in the 12 years since I had gone to college to become a pastor.

In high school, I was a top ten percent student in high school, scored in the top 1% on standardized tests, and held down jobs consistently since before I could even drive.

But in ministry, I was expendable, or maybe even worse: undesirable. The job - no, the life - I felt called to was either a poor fit, or I had somehow transformed from an all-star student and reliable employee into a lazy ne’er-do-well.

To supplement my meager non-profit wages, I started a photography company in 2011. By the time I got laid off in 2014, photography had become a steady side gig.

After 4,000 miles and three failed interviews, I asked Lindsey, who was pregnant with our youngest at the time, if she was open to me taking the risk of going full-time with the photography business.

I have worked for myself for the past 10 years, never missing a rent payment, and never making less than I did in my last year of ministry.

During the decade I spent in ministry, I was often told I was gifted at my job, whether it be music or teaching - and yet, it never worked out.

The decade I’ve spent learning how to build not one, but two, creative businesses, it has worked out so far.

Somehow, the thing I was apparently gifted at and called to do was also not the right path for my life.

That, of course, causes the question: if I’m not called to ministry, do I even understand calling?

And then, if I don’t understand calling, do I even understand faith?

For the past 10 years, I’ve been quietly obsessing with questions of faith, ranging from the existence of God to the American expression of Christianity.

On the advice of a writing coach, I started writing about it. Then I started recording those essays.

Some of us know each other from faith contexts, so some of the thoughts (and occasional language) might be uncomfortable for you. I get it, no hard feelings if you don’t want to explore this new project with me.

From my 30th birthday to my 40th birthday, I kept this part of my life locked away.

My brother reminded me a few years ago that if I don’t tell people who I really am, they don’t really like me, they like a false version of me that I’ve created for them.

Writing and publishing The Caring House helped me be brave enough to share more of who I really am. It felt like a social debut of sorts.

This new writing follows that trajectory - being more real, more open, more raw.

It won’t be for everybody because I’m not for everybody.

But it is for people who wrestle with big questions, for whom faith and doubt are bedfellows, for whom depression and joy are not mutually exclusive.

I’d be honored if you’d join me.

You can find this new project here when it launches: